Happy Birthday Soldier
I debated long and hard on what to write about Danny D, and found myself most often coming to the most embarassing and incriminating stories possible, of which I have several. I’ve decided that I’m going to refrain. Dan still doesn’t admit it, but I am clinging to the fact that he will one day be a mayor, senator, governor, or more and because of that I’m exercising restraint so I can fully realize the financial gains of such items when blackmailing time comes around. Plus he’s overseas doing the work of a REAL American hero right now.
In honor of such bad-assery, I’ve modified some of my favorite Chuck Norris & Jack Bauer lines to honor the soldier/lawman/friend/political advisor/and brother-from-another-mother:
- Dan is currently suing NBC, claiming Law & Order are trademarked names for his left and right fists
- Dan once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
- Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Dan pajamas.
- Hellen Keller’s favorite color is the color “Dan.”
-There is no such thing as global warming. Dan was cold, so he turned the sun up.
-Dan was what Willis was talkin’ bout.
-Dan just says “no” to drugs. If he said “yes”, it would collapse Colombia’s infrastructure.
-Dan once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves
-Dan doesn’t have nightmares…Nightmares have “Dans.”
-James Bond has posters of Dan in his room.
-And finally, if he were alive in 1941, Germany would now be called The United States of Dan.
In all seriousness, happy birthday buddy, you’re in all of our thoughts and prayers and we can’t wait for you to get back. I need me some political rants and stock tips.
